I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
