Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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