People in love make me want to vomit
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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