Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
