Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
