My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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