a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How does one acquire holy water?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
