I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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