i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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