it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
