the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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