My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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