Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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