just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
