Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your penis caused this!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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