why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
