I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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