I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
