I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
