Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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