Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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