Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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