it was like his penis was on wheels.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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