you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
