New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
