get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
