I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
