Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
