you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
