Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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