I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just invented taco cereal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
