1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
