Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
