I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
