I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
