so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
