still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
