I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I look better un-naked...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
