my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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