In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
