if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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