I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am one with the molecules
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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