Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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