Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
