the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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