I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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