I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
