I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I look better un-naked...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
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operation harelip BJ is a go
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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