one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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