i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
