I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
