A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We are all done wearing pants today
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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