Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
