If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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