My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
