youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
