Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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