that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
