We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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