im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
