that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
