Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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