I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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