what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
