I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I die, sorry about rent.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
