she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
