that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i now understand why vodka
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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