Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
