i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
