Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
