so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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