I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
